Sicker of Christmas albums than the Turkey curry you have to endure on December 30th every year? Gagging on your mince pie every time you have to suffer through Wham!'s "Last Christmas"? Desperate for deliverance from "Mistletoe And Wine" every time you pull a wishbone and make a wish? Then fear not: help is at hand in surviving those naff festive music blues. There are alternatives. Really.
Actually, there are several patented cures. One we've previously covered is LOW'S "Christmas", which is a dignified, crystalline celebration of what should be a truly beautiful time of year and not just an excuse for cash registers to ring to exhaustion. However, if you're after something that's a little more irreverent and fun and enjoy great early jazz and r'n'b (and you shouldn't be reading about rock'n'roll if you don't), then make a beeline for "Papa Ain't No Santa Claus, Mama Ain't No Christmas Tree": an excellent collection of brilliantly obscure Yuletide classics culled (mostly) from '40s/ 50s black American r'n'b brought to you by our favourite Scouse archivists at Viper Records.
Don't expect any of these 20 selections to be jostling for Tannoy room with Slade's "Merry Christmas Everybody" the next time you're grabbing those last minute pressies at Boots (more's the pity), but you should investigate ASAP as there's some truly cool Yule gear here. A couple of the tracks like the bizarre festive domestic argument of the title track (courtesy of BUTTERBEANS AND SUSIE) date back to Laurel and Hardy-type situations from the 1930s, and the collection also lurches forward in time to the late '60s with BEVERLEY KING'S "Bells Of St.Mary's" (with Hawaiian surf guitar, of all things), but the majority are from the down'n'dirty r'n'b and primitive rock'n'roll-obsessed 1950s and all the better for it.
Blues, boogie and doo-wop all figure heavily, with great tracks like THE VOICES' "Santa Claus' Baby" and The Moonglows' tremendous "Hey Santa Claus" all weighing in with high marks, while the Big Band sound is well represented by tracks like MABEL SCOTT'S "Boogie Woogie Santa Claus" and SUGAR 'CHILE' ROBINSON'S "Christmas Boogie" was clearly written with one eye on Frankie Lymon's teen market.
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But plenty of other bases are covered, too. For instance, CHARLIE STEWART'S "Santa Claus Won't Come This Year" is built around hayseed picking a la Chet Atkins or Les Paul; THE DIXON BROTHERS' "Answer To Maple On The Hill" is the real backwoods hillbilly deal and THE PILGRIM TRAVELLERS' "I'll Be Home For Christmas" makes like an early Blind Boys Of Alabama recording. Naturally, none of these are any less than fascinating and latter especially is absolutely sublime.
Of course, there are hefty dollops of seasonal weirdness, too. JOHNNY GUARNIERI's implausible "Santa's Secret" has the immortal image of "Kriss Kringle smoking a 100ft reefer", which would scare even Danny the dealer from "Withnail And I"; SUNNY COLE'S "Santa To The Moon" finds the big man in the red suit heading off into outer space with Rudolph (a Cold War Christmas, anyone?); LITTLE JOEY FARR sounds like an under-age Little Richard on "Rock'n'Roll Santa" and - maddest of all - BARRY RICHARDS' "Baby Sittin' Santa" finds Papa Noel trying to deal with a gurgling, farting infant. With a rock'n'roll fixation. Ye-ess. Right.
Still, however unlikely the premise for some of these songs - and the fact that "Jingle Bells" regularly appears in mini dispatches - "Papa Ain't No Santa Claus..." is a fine, surreally-inclined and lovingly compiled collection of alternative Xmas anthems you should be delighted to find poking out of your stocking come the big day ahead.
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