This was the Lawnmower Deth Xmas special that we went to for the 50th birthday of John Harding who was my fab girlfriend Jo's first boyfriend, way back when, which was as good a reason as any for going to see Lawnmower Deth again.
Having met up with the birthday boy we were in time to see all of Raised By Owls opening set, they take the opposite approach to the last black metal band I reviewed, Mother as rather than playing 40 minute long super serious songs, Raised By Owls are a lot more concise and tackle for more pressing issues in there songs, which is why I guess the first song was Comedy Metal Is A Fucking Embarrassment that made clear this was your last chance to see the funny side of Behemoth, as Sam howled at us while stalking the stage.
No clue what the second tune was, it went by in a blur of nasty noise, before they showed why I had out my copy of Henry & Glenn Forever this week, when they took Glenn apart on Strictly Come Danzig, surely they don't claim he's camper than Christmas.
They tried not to say too much about Greg Wallace while introducing Ainsley Harriot Advises You To Give Your Meat A Good Ol' Rub that clearly shows the thin line between cooking shows and porn, how middle class women find that confusing or summat. My scrawl is unreadable, but I think they were singing about having sex in Santa's grotto or something else equally appalling.
As it was Xmas they then invited is all to Be Going For A Pint With Corpsegrinder who are of course a bunch of sweethearts, who ask after your mum and everything, the splenetic grinding guitars fry your mind. Sam then asked who had seen Napalm Death live and knew the Barney Greenaway dance moves, well we saw Napalm Death throwing shapes in a gay club on a Saturday night in Berlin a few years ago, so yeah we got down to Dance Like Barney Greenaway. Best dancer won a prize.
Satanist On't Yorkshire Moors left a dark Ilkley feeling in your mouth before they held the bands X-mas contest to win a t-shirt to go to church with your mum with, they sang I'm Sorry I Wore A Dying Fetus T-shirt To Your Gender Reveal Party that of course made the prospective parents love them all the more, not!
No idea what Throw Down is actually called, no doubt something totally dastardly that was lost in the howling wind vocals. They then tried to get us to all hail Fred Durst, well as I walked out of the last Limp Cracker performance I was at, during a festival where Lawnmower Deth were one of the highlights, I resisted, either way they raised hell on The Dark And Twisted Realm In Which Fred Durst Resides a sound so hellacious it called up Mr Blobby from the very bowels of hades, helping them murder Heavy Is The Crown in truly devilish style to close the support set.
After the break it was time once more to welcome Lawnmower Deth to the stage in the only way it should be done with the whole crowd singing along to the bands intro music, the thrash metal classic No Limit by ultimate thrash titans 2 Unlimited, everyone sang along!!
As it's Xmas they were joined on stage for the entire set by Santee Claws and dived right in with a brutal Into The Pit to guarantee the party was well started, Peter lee then encouraged us all to chant along to Sumo Rabbit And His Inescapable Trap Of Doom that was easier said than done, but great fun none the less. Flying Killer Cobs From The Planet Bob made as much sense as anything in this set and went down a storm.
Then the unthinkable happened and a fight broke out at the front of the crowd, the band stopped playing and helped break it up before Pete made the miscreants apologise to each other, making us all pledge to have a good time and be nice to each other, before they flew through Weebles Wobble But They Don't Fall Down crushing all in their wake.
Botheration could have been a reference to the fighting idiots but was more about other idiots. They took us for a visit to the Betty Ford Clinic where they cure you with screeching feedback guitars played at 500 mph, before making you bathe in Swarfega.
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Spook Perv Happenings In Snooker Hall was dedicated to the memory of Ray Reardon and went by in blur of misplaced hands. I think Jaggered Edge was one of the 20 second numbers that was super speedy. I Don't Want To was a cautionary tale about consent that seems timely.
They then introduced the bands special guest Daisy who got a huge ovation, the entire underworld chanted her name, before she sang a note of the acapella first verse of White Christmas before the band came into make clear it's a thrash metal party classic.
I Don't Want To lists a good few things we should all refuse to do. Before the sorry tale that is I Got the Clap And My Knob Fell Off, they then apologised for being a touch non-pc for Got No Legs? Don't Come Crawling To Me I didn't see anyone flouncing out in disgust thankfully.
Peter then encouraged us all to Drink To Be Sick, but hopefully not in the venue, even if he claimed the new drummer had gone off stage to do just that. Bobblehead was riotous good fun before they paused for a contest to see who had the best Metal knitwear on, my vote went to the Motorhead guy.
Was the next song Sheepdip or what my notes claim Waxy Burning Oil, no idea. But it was time to get into the creepy world of breakfast TV for Good Morning Phil and all the escapades he got up too. Bastard Squad seemed to be aimed at all the politicians and other evil gits we all hate.
Of course the place went mental for the bands biggest hit Watch Out Grandma Here Comes The Lawnmower that sounded like they had traded in there guitars for flymo's. They then covered the thrash metal god Shakin' Stevens metal core classic Merry Christmas Everyone only this version was more syrupy than the original.
Urban Surfer 125 was for the sort of dickhead who likes to surf on top of trains and gets what they deserve. Icky Ficky was a blur as they prepared an Egg Sandwich for everyone to enjoy while listening to Buddy Holly Never wrote a Song Called We’re Too Punk.
F.A.T or Fascist And Tubby nailed all fascists twats to a cross for us, before they got everyone to sing Happy birthday to Scarlet who was at her first ever gig on her 18th birthday. Not sure death! Maim! Kill! Is the right song for a birthday girl mind but it had loads of passion and brutal bass.
They were cruising for a bruising again on Did You Spill My Pint before we were all told to take a selfie with the band and send it too them, as an intro to the classic audience participation Raise Your Snails which is what happens when you raise your horns and a fist and put them together!! Which of course makes them and us Punk As Fuck.
Power Bagging showed they still had plenty of energy left before they closed the set with a romp through Slade's Merry Xmas Everybody that everyone sang along with.
Although they never went off, standing on stage to take the applause, they did bring Daisy back out for a reprise of White Christmas to ensure everyone left with big grins on their faces.
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