DONNY TOURETTE - SEPARATING MAN FROM MYTH...
NOTE TO READERS: W&H caught the TOWERS OF LONDON on the last leg of their rather tired-out tour. Donny Tourette had initially agreed to give us some interview time, but sadly he pulled out at the very last minute. Believe me, we were gutted.
But fear not ladies and gentlemen, here for your delectation and delight are some of the questions we had planned on asking him. Plus a gig review, and my humble thoughts on the ~Towers of London~ Enjoy!
SO DONNY, HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE AN ‘ALTERNATIVE HARDCORE LIFESTYLE’?
As we first entered the Electric Ballroom, it appeared that we had walked into some sort of High School talent contest – there were four young girls prancing around on stage in fancy dress and there was a disturbingly high number of 12 to 14 year olds in the audience.
There must have been some mistake, we were there to review the hardcore punk act TOWERS OF LONDON. We expected to witness firsthand the uncompromising take-no-shit attitude of front man Donny Tourette, the man who professed to “dick on Johnny Rotten”. Had we got the venue wrong?
As I was reaching for my file-o-fax to double check, it dawned on me that we were not in normal gig territory here. We had entered the strange world of “Celebrity Punk Lite”, where all participants - band members included - had about as much appreciation and knowledge of punk as David Cameron.
A closer look around the venue confirmed our fears. The place was swarming with horse-faced Sloane Rangers who thought that wearing heavy eyeliner qualified them into the ‘annals of EDGE’, ageing rockers wearing sunglasses indoors (probably to hide their identity) and looking like Status Quo members, and precautious 14 year olds feeling rebellious by flaunting the smoking ban (until they politely put them out when asked).
AT WHAT POINT IN A ROCK CAREER DO YOU START WEARING SUNGLASSES INDOORS?
The support act was surreal, if nothing else. I remember back in the day, my younger sister and her friends started a ‘band’ when they were about 10 years old, and they called themselves “The City Ladies”. It was really cute seeing them prance around the back garden with big hats and feather boas, wearing my shoes (obligatory younger sister thing), and pretending to be pop stars. I never imagined that they, and others like them, would be the inspiration behind the creation of Essex-based manufactured girl band “SAMMY” [www.thebandsammy.com].
My point being that Sammy should be performing in front of their parents in the living room at Christmas, not playing anywhere in public. Ever. Words can’t describe how bad they were, so we won’t bother trying.
WHAT PERSONAL QUALITIES DO YOU NEED TO BE IN THE TOWERS OF LONDON?
There was quite a bit of tabloid interest in this particular gig, probably because the Towers of London guitarist is allegedly having it off with Sienna Miller. I’d like to emphasise the 'allegedly' bit here. Personally, I think she could do better, but that’s one for Hello! magazine.
Perhaps something of more interest to W&H readers is that The Rev (drums) and Snell (lead guitar) recently absconded the ‘Towers of London franchise’ to join the Prodigy. Mid-way through the tour as well, that must have been bad for young Donnykins. Poor lamb.
But when your main fan-base comprises a group of spoilt Verucca Salt look-a-likes from the Home Counties, I’d be taking a huge reality check - that’s check Donny, not ‘a cheque’… So when The Rev and Snell decided that Towers of London wasn’t for them, I don’t think anyone was very surprised.
Ah well, at least Tourette will scrape some cash together from the stories that he’ll no doubt pimp to the press.
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HOW DO YOU TAKE YOUR TEA?
Towers of London finally took to the stage. Like traffic that slows down to see a gruesome car crash, the level of anticipation reached positively tepid levels.
“What antics will they get up to this time?!” was the question at the forefront of our minds…
Well, not much as it happened. He had daubed his white vest with the kind of red dye used to mark sheep. Initially we thought it said ‘Posh’, but apparently it said ‘Punk’.
WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?
Weirdly, the gig itself turned into quite a depressing affair. Even though Donny was largin’ it up for the kids (who far from being ‘alright’, were the most monstrous collection of spoilt precautious brats I have ever met in my life), the sense of frustration from the band as a whole was almost palpable.
Because as a band, they’re not actually that bad. Ok, their songs contain more cliché’s than an episode of ‘Days of Our Lives’, and are so unoriginal and derivative it’s surprising they haven’t been done for plagiarism – and although we can look at what Oasis achieved by nicking everything the Beatles ever did, ironically the Towers of London seem to be ripping off a lot of Oasis’s ‘ideas’ without realising it. It’s like a dog that is endlessly chasing it’s own mangy, flea-ridden tail. But I digress…
As performers they were tight and loud, and there is a genuine spark that takes their music – which is mediocre at best – and lifts it beyond the pub circuit, where they really ought to be. Although Tourette should never, NEVER do an acoustic solo performance again. Really. He can’t sing at all unless he’s sneering, so he should just stick to what he does best. I just needed to get that off my chest.
Anyway, if Tourette hadn’t invested so much time into giving the media one cheap blowjob after another, then they might have retained some credibility – in a ‘Darkness’ sort of way.
But as it is, despite their own Fly-On-The-Wall doc on Bravo (where the Tourette brothers were filmed getting into fights, flouncing like little girls and running away looking like Penelope Pitstop), Tourette’s stint on Celebrity Big Brother, Peaches Geldof (not something to brag about), the well tabulated desire to screw Princess Beatrice because she “looks like Peaches”, and etc etc, they have only ever managed to scrape number 30 in the singles charts with “How Rude She Was”.
It is a shame, because I’m convinced that Towers of London once had the potential to be better than what they have become.
But the World of Tourette is an irony free zone that he just doesn't get, and Tourette is a bit of a pillock who has rendered a decent band utterly impotent via his obsession with celebrity and acting up for the press.
One wonders whether he has actually seen Spinal Tap? And if so, is this a case of life imitating art?
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